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Depression and anxiety
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katie1
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 8:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

flatlander wrote:
Might i with all due respect to female.members encourage folks to look at the international mens day UK website as a further useful source


Absolutely no offence taken! We all need to look after ourselves and anything that helps us face the world and keep on moving is worthwhile.

I applaud anyone willing to stand up and say 'yes, that affects me' and still keep going.
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blinkey501
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Joined: 29 May 2011
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Location: near doncaster

PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2018 6:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

BikerGran wrote:
Only just seen this as I haven't been on here for ages.

I'm really glad you got the help you needed, specially in the form of CBT. Over the years I've had many different forms of medication, most of which really didn't work for me, apart from maybe keeping me from falling right through the black hole a time or two. It wasn't till I did a course of CBT that I began to feel I had some control, and was able to teach myself to look at life, and people, somewhat differently.

It's hard work getting through it, and as you said, it's not a cure, but it is rather amazing how 'just talking' can make the black clouds back off. (for those who don't know, it's not exactly just talking but I can't describe it, you have to be there).

It hasn't always worked for me, once or twice I've had to go through the process again, so don't feel you've failed if that happens for you - I was told to think of it like my bike, it doesn't mean the engine's failed if you have to top up the oil now and then.

Thanks for opening up the subject on here, I'm always ready to share my experience but I never know how to start. I expect you've found that a lot more people than you thought have been there! One of the really helpful things my counsellor told me, and the only actual bit of advice he gave me (written on a card to carry at all times) was......

"Be kind to yourself".

The card's worn out now but I'll never forget.


Being kind to yourself is a massive help. Patting yourself on the back when you have achieved something very positive is also very important.

Off the back of this, I have done quite a lot of research on certain aspects of what people can also be.

One of our great friends on RS pointed out one word to me. Narcissism... This word alone started the ball rolling and I found myself trying to grab the next rung on the ladder.

This started me to research different avenues when things became apparent. Ie Gaslighting. Passive aggressiveness. Sociopaths etc.

When you learn about these things you tend to be able to read situations better. And in some cases, I realise that some of my problems in the past are not being able to read people.

When I start learning about these things I realised it's not myself that is always at fault. Although I have learned to take more responsibility for myself and my actions.

The epiphany moment was researching these subjects on youtube, and I stumbled across a wonderful woman called Lisa Romano. She alone suffered mental abuse from her mother in the form of narcissism. To then go on and marry a narcissist. Her life was not her own until she alone realised something was not right.

She talks about key phrases on how to disarm toxic people. And how to control your situation better.

When you realise you are responsible for yourself and the decisions you make it empowers you. When you feel such empowerment you then can hold onto your own set of values and beliefs.

The main thing is you shouldn't try and change someone else's outlook on life. It's not your right too. When you also realise this you can then you can avoid arguments because you know they are entitled to their opinion. You can then use the diplomatic solution to avoid any confrontation. Ie I'm alright. Your alright situations.

Even if you come across this scenario and you yourself are alright and they are not alright, you need to stay in your own bubble and not accept someone else's reality. To cross over makes yourself as an individual loose your own inner power.

On a final note, I myself have now awoken. I strive to reach for the next rung on the ladder. I want to learn because I am finding it fun. And also enjoying on learning on what makes people tick.

And in some cases don't find myself getting angry, but more understanding and more patient with people who in the past I would have liked to choke the life out of.







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fatboy
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Joined: 03 Nov 2011
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PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2018 6:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good work mate !
Keep heading in that direction.
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spiderwheels
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Joined: 14 Jan 2014
Posts: 340
Location: Cambridge

PostPosted: Tue May 08, 2018 6:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well done and thank you for sharing. I've been putting this off for years myself mainly because I'm worried CBT would have a fundamental change on who I am. If you don't mind me asking, do you feel if it's taken anything away from you (apart from the bad stuff)?
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BikerGran
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Joined: 17 Dec 2006
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Location: Any further south and I'd fall off!

PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2018 8:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It doesn't take ANYTHING away - just gives you a bit more insight into the way you look at stuff, and therefore ways to deal with it.
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JeanLucRidehard
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PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2018 12:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

He watches from afar and now again provides a helping hand.......



Ive got your back dude
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fatboy
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Joined: 03 Nov 2011
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PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2018 6:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

JeanLucRidehard wrote:
He watches from afar and now again provides a helping hand.......



Ive got your back dude


Spot on response mate
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JeanLucRidehard
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PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2018 3:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

fatboy wrote:
JeanLucRidehard wrote:
He watches from afar and now again provides a helping hand.......



Ive got your back dude


Spot on response mate



Thanks Fatboy
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fatboy
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PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2018 5:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, we all need a little maintenance once in a while, look after that Blinkey fellow, I might get to meet him one day.
I certainly owe him a single malt or two for all the help he's offered
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JeanLucRidehard
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PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2018 5:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

fatboy wrote:
Hey, we all need a little maintenance once in a while, look after that Blinkey fellow, I might get to meet him one day.
I certainly owe him a single malt or two for all the help he's offered



He's a good old boy is Blinkey
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